A girl who is bullied sometimes turns to older men as a means of obtaining acceptance and validation. When you’re a bullied young girl, having a boyfriend or sex partner can feel like such a welcome change from the pressure and pain of the bullying environment at school. Dating and sex become not just an escape for the bullied young female, but also a rebuttal the all the negative messages piled on her by her bullies all day. The relationship becomes both a refuge from what seems like a cold, cruel world that hates her and an assurance that that she is worthy of love and loved. A girl in this situation looks to a men to rescue her
I say this from experience. Back in school when I was bullied relentlessly, I leaned on such men and sex for comfort.
I cannot stress enough how unhealthy this is, and how concerned the adults in the girl’s life need to be over it. Females are naturally geared toward nurturing and maintaining relationships, whether friendships, family, or romantic relationships. For teenage girls, although family relationships are important, their focus is mostly on close relationships with friends and romantic relationships.
If a young girl is not getting those relationship needs met through her peers, if she is determined enough, she will get those needs met elsewhere. When the boys in her own age have bought into the rumors about her or take part in her daily pain, she will look outside her peer group and turn to grown men for the acceptance and affection she craves. Lonely and beaten down, she seeks refuge in these men and looks for them to rescue her from her loneliness so she can feel special, wanted, sexy, and beautiful.
I was no exception. In my case, the post-high school aged men did not know the lies and rumors tied to my name or the awful reputation my bullies had hung around my neck. I took advantage of it and made these men my way for me to escape my ruined reputation at school and still have opportunities to date. They became a soft pillow to cushion the pain of my fall.
It works. But only temporarily. And it’s a very dangerous way to handle the loneliness of being bullied and having no friends because it breeds dependency. There is absolutely no dignity in being desperate for a partner—a girl should never rely on a relationship with a man as the end-all, be-all of her life.
If you are a young woman suffering this profound pain and thinking an older man will solve it for you, I urge you: Do NOT look outside of yourself for happiness…ever! Always remember that men come and go, and if you continue to depend on them to be happy and to feel worthy of love, you’re in for a huge disappointment—any time a girl looks solely to the man she’s dating to validate her, she does not know her own worth as a young woman.
Men see this and they are either repelled by it or see her as someone they can use. A predatory man of low integrity will hang around as long as it takes to get what he wants from such a girl. Once he has bled her dry of dignity and whatever resources he can get and breaks off the relationship, she is totally devastated. And a break-up should not be devastating. Sad and difficult? Yes. The end of a relationship is never easy. But it should never be devastating.
Always love yourself first and foremost. Love should come from within and never from any source outside of yourself. A relationship does not complete you, and just because a man has sex with you doesn’t mean that he loves you. You are awesome, with or without a partner.
You don’t have to be one-half of a couple to feel whole.
Cherie White, both a writer and author, joined the team after being discovered by Brian through her own personal blog and through social media. She has been writing ever since she was ten years old and has a love for writing articles, short stories and novels. She became intrigued with the new Pyngby app because it helps victims pinpoint victims and their harassers for easy protection and litigation if need be. Because she experienced severe bullying from sixth grade until changing schools during her last year of high school, she has a passion for spreading bullying awareness and helping those who are bullied and abused today. Her goal is to bring down the suicide rate among bullied children, teens and young adults. Her debut novel, “From Victim to Victor” is available now at LuLu. Cherie looks forward to helping victims through Watchdog Creative.
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