This is—and always will be—very hard for me to admit. However, I feel an obligation to each and every bullied person to be truthful about how I, too, bullied others when I was in school.
No one wants to admit that they were ever a bully. I did it to keep my own self-esteem from completely bottoming out. But that’s no excuse. I’ve felt complete regret over it the last two decades, and I offer a sincere, humble, and very heartfelt apology to those I caused harm to during those years. I am truly sorry.
For some, bullying can be used as a defense mechanism. Targets of bullying feel powerless. Crap rolls downhill, as they say, and no one wants to be at the bottom of the social hierarchy. To reclaim control over something in their lives, some learn to become bullies themselves—to stay off the bottom of the pecking order, they find a target of their own to degrade and humiliate. Sadly, they’re fighting just to stay off the bottom. A classic example of this is a child who’s been yelled at by parents then goes outside and kicks the dog.
I was guilty of “kicking the dog.” I’m ashamed to admit how cruelly judgmental I became in high school. I constantly pointed a finger, scoffed and laughed at people, and scapegoated those I thought were easy and looked down upon as scum. Yes, I did all of that. In front of an audience. Just so I could be the one holding the power for once, boost my own beaten-down self-esteem, and make myself feel better. I was so wrong for doing it. But at the time, it was the only way I knew to survive being bullied myself.
It was, though, a temporary fix to my brokenness. Like being a drug addict, I was getting a “hit” to take my pain away for a short time. Anytime I would start to come down from my self-esteem high, I would have to look for someone to pick apart and degrade. In order to feel good again, I’d point out their shortcomings, and if I couldn’t find any flaws, I’d make them up and then convince my target of them. But like a drug, it took away the symptoms only temporarily and did nothing to solve the cause of my pain.
This was a cycle that would continue for a few more years.
I am telling you this because I’ve been on both sides, a target and a bully. I want you to understand that there is something seriously wrong with anyone who has to resort to bullying in order to feel good about themselves—if you have to put down and mistreat someone to feel good about yourself, the real problem is with you.
(To be continued)
Cherie White, both a writer and author, joined the team after being discovered by Brian through her own personal blog and through social media. She has been writing ever since she was ten years old and has a love for writing articles, short stories and novels. She became intrigued with the new Pyngby app because it helps victims pinpoint victims and their harassers for easy protection and litigation if need be. Because she experienced severe bullying from sixth grade until changing schools during her last year of high school, she has a passion for spreading bullying awareness and helping those who are bullied and abused today. Her goal is to bring down the suicide rate among bullied children, teens and young adults. Her debut novel, “From Victim to Victor” is available now at LuLu. Cherie looks forward to helping victims through Watchdog Creative.
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