In Part 1 and Part 2 of this article, I discussed the pain and shame a bully’s target feels and how it can lead to the target turning around and bullying others, and I admitted my own shameful experience. Today, I want to address all those bullied people who feel that bullying someone else is their only way to feel better about themselves.
I’m going to do something rare for me here and plead with you not to.
You’re better than that.
The confidence you get from bullying others is always superficial and short-lived. As a result, you will find yourself on a constant search for flaws in others, for fodder to use against them in order for you to feel better. You will also seek out a backup victim, in case your usual target isn’t available, and work to dig up flaws to use on that person, too.
In Chapter 31 of my book, From Victim to Victor, I describe it this way:
“…I absolutely loved the rush of power I would get from talking down to certain people at school. Because it made me feel like a winner…a boss…a champion…a queen! I relished the fact that I too had the power to ruin some poor soul’s day…to make them squirm with nervousness…to reduce them…demean them…dehumanize them…crush them! This had become so addicting for me that I just could not get enough of it. I needed more. And the more I broke some poor sucker down, the better I felt. I knew I had become a bully and I was actually proud of that because I thought that being a bully meant POWER!”
I was doing to others what had been done to me. At that time, it was the only way I knew to preserve my self-esteem.
Take it from someone who has lived it: this is extremely exhausting, and it’s no way to live.
You’ll feel better about yourself in the long run just knowing that you didn’t have to turn into some venomous snake to survive what your bully is putting you through. And the confidence that you get from this will be authentic and long-lasting. True confidence is not achieved by resorting to the temporary fixes of hurting others.
True confidence is quiet and there is no need to boast. There is no need to cause psychological, physical, emotional, or spiritual harm to another human being to achieve it. True confidence flows continuously and is steady. It oozes from every fiber of your being naturally and effortlessly. True, authentic confidence is unshakeable!
I believe that each and every one of us is born with such confidence, and a heart of gold. But over time, our environment, our circumstances, and sadly, the people in our lives can slowly chip away and erode that natural confidence and goodness we were born with. When you feel like it’s gone, you have to remember it’s still there but obscured…hidden because some creep from the past has wounded you so badly that you have suppressed it out of fear.
I was in a very dark place then but I am happy to say that I have managed to dig myself out of that hole. Now, I now enjoy seeing others happy and fulfilled. I’m wiser now, too, and no one will ever again put me back in that place…ever. Not my former classmates, not my coworkers, not a neighbor, not a husband or boyfriend,
You do not have to do what I did and change your personality to survive. It is not necessary for you to become like them just to feel better about yourself. There are better ways to achieve those results.
Being bullied does not give you the right to become a bully. Think about how you feel when someone mistreats you. Now think about how your target must feel. The power you get from bullying another person is only temporary. The power you get from showing kindness and love is infinite!
Cherie White, both a writer and author, joined the team after being discovered by Brian through her own personal blog and through social media. She has been writing ever since she was ten years old and has a love for writing articles, short stories and novels. She became intrigued with the new Pyngby app because it helps victims pinpoint victims and their harassers for easy protection and litigation if need be. Because she experienced severe bullying from sixth grade until changing schools during her last year of high school, she has a passion for spreading bullying awareness and helping those who are bullied and abused today. Her goal is to bring down the suicide rate among bullied children, teens and young adults. Her debut novel, “From Victim to Victor” is available now at LuLu. Cherie looks forward to helping victims through Watchdog Creative.
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